eternityinabox's Journal

12:04pm: Today so far:

1 egg white
3 Glasses of Water



240 Cruches, 120 of them regular and 120 of them with my legs propped up on my bed


Goals:
Have nothing more to eat
Do 240 more crunches
Treadmill for 30 minutes minimum


And on top of that I'm going out tonight.

6:05pm: i haven't updated in a really long time.

I haven't eaten in six days and i am so happy. having the flu does have its perks..

3:45pm: So disgusted..
I know I haven't updated in awhile. It was stupid of me, really. I decided to try and fight ana and everything she's been putting into my head. It was driving me crazy...never being satisfied with myself. So I ate...well not just ate, but binged. Wound up gaining back 3 pounds. I feel so disgusted with myself. It's just so hard having a mom for a nurse and people always suspecting the worse around you.

I think that I am a disgusting person.


I can't believe I did that to myself.


I need to go exercise and try to feel a little better. I'll write again soon..

3:55pm: beautiful song..
I was bored so I figured I'd post some lyrics to one of my favourite songs by Voltaire..I dunno..



You, there on the bridge
where have you been, whats your name?
and you, there you on the wall
where will you go to once you fall?
you, lost at sea
do you need me, do you need directions?
hey, put down the gun
what are you thinking?
you were someone's son

the taste of tears
the sting of pain
the smell of fear
the sounds of crying

a long, long time ago i fell to this place
from another dimesnion
and thrust amongst the beasts
and they way they behave borders on dementia
now through all these years
i can barely take it
i don't think i can make it
take me away from here
I want to go home

i'm so sick and tired of the
the taste of tears
the sting of pain
the smell of fear
the sounds of crying
as you standing at the edge of your life
what do you remember?
was it all you wanted?

I'm trying to earn a set of feathery wings
i wish i could protect you here
oh, please don't cry
now smile as you're standing
at the edge of your life
your troubles are over
mine are just beginning
I'm trying to earn a set of feathery wings
to take me away from here
its me you leave behind

if only i could have been there
i'd be a hand for the sinking
if only i could have been there
i'd be a prayer for the dying
see the pain etched in my face

i'm so sick and tired of
the taste of tears
the sting of pain
the smell of fear
the sounds of crying
as you're standing at the edge of your life
what do you remember was it all you wanted

I'm trying to earn a set of feathery wings
i wish i could protect you here
oh, please don't cry
now smile as you're standing
at the edge of your life
your troubles are over
mine are just beginning

I'm trying to earn a set of feathery wings
to take me away from here
its me you leave
you're gone from here
don't leave me here
I hate it here
you're gone from here
don't leave me here
I need you here
I need to see you smile

7:03pm: blah
I'm sick. I've been sick for three days now. I suppose it's not the worst thing, I have no appetite at all. That is something I'm not devastated about. My school nurse forced me to go home yesterday second period. She thinks that I have strep throat...so I went to the doctor..but I haven't gotten the results yet. Oh well. I have a big state exam in English on Monday and Tuesday. It's a total of 6 hours long! I know I'll pass, as I'm really good at English, but I just don't want to waste so much time. Oh well, I'm gonna go now...

8:05pm: For dinner I had:
Two Vegetarian Tofu Hotdogs:60 calories each
One teaspoon of mustard: 5 calories

Total: 125 calories

After dinner I did a 20 minute program on my treadmill and burned 160 calories. So I feel good. I burned more than I put in! Yay.

6:52pm: been awhile
It's been awhile since I posted in here. I've been so busy with school and whatnot. I've been doing good though, keeping to my low calorie diet and exercising. Good thing we're in the weight room for gym now. Gives me more time to exercise. Anyway, I've lost about 5 pounds since a little after my last post. Things are going alright now. I hope to post again soon..

12:05am: Today...was great. I managed to get through the day only consuming...maybe 350 cals. We had a guest speaker in gym today though....talking all about self image and body image...kind like group therapy. She wanted us to tell everyone how we feel about our physical image....I had to lie my way through. She did, however, lay out several magazine pics of some really good thinspiration. Tomorrow I think I'm gonna try and have only juice and water. We'll see how that goes...until then..

11:44pm:
Sad Anorexic
Life hurts, and you know it. You're depressed and
maybe suicidal sometimes. Your depression and
wistfullness are probably linked to
self-hatred. For you, physical suffering like
hunger pangs and headaches represents the
emotional pain you're in. You wish you were
healthy, but by now it doesn't seem possible.


What Kind of Anorexic Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

11:27pm: new journal
I made this journal earlier today so I can join some ana communities...without my friends knowing and trying to tell me that something is wrong with me and telling me to get help. So yeah, it's late. I have to go back to school on Monday. Maybe my friends won't try to make me go out for lunch. Subway and Wendy's and pizza and Chinese food are all within walking distance....definately not a good thing. Well, that's all for now.